October 12, 2012
It's funny I read a blog I wrote 3 years ago but never published to the web. It talked about how difficult my 8 year old was at the time and how awesome my 13 year old was. My 8 year old is now 11 "B" and shes still a handful, still moody and still very much like....ME!
My 13 that was so awesome then...I said he was awesome then and that I was probably jinxing it...guess what I jinxed it.
My 13 year old "R" is now a 16 year old and he ran away from home 4 months ago. Did he have a reason like most run aways (abuse, drugs ...) no he just was the typical teenager that didn't want to be told what to do, by a parent aka choirs. And he took it to the extreme! He found someone to take him in, a white trash skumy 20 something year old that now has free day care with him living there. It's his "girlfriends" (and I say that lightly) sister. They are ALL white trash skids...all of the siblings, parents etc. He sits in that house sucking in second hand smoke and loving all of it, why? cuz he is living the teenage dream, doing what ever he wants when ever he wants with NO one telling him what to do. He doesn't care at all, that he has totally broken my heart, to the point I am physically sore every day, I care the sadness and the stress in my back and neck. I don't sleep well, I don't concentrate at work very well and i'm crying ALL the time.
Would I do anything to get him home, yes but do I want the person he has become, home with me NO. He is mean and hateful and mad and ....hates me.
.....I've decided to write a journal/blog for mothers and fathers of run aways to read, I'm not a writer by any means, and my grammer is HORRIBLE, I'm telling everyone that right now. I'm not an uneducated person, infact I know I'm smart, and had I not married so young in life and had children so young I could have gone farther in life. But those were the choices I made (or where told to make a young age) either way it is what it is and I am what I am. I've tried my hardest to be a good mom (which I have evidently failed at greatly).
This will hopefully make me feel better ...although a time machine bringing back to the days when my little boy loved me and hugged me and told me he loved me are the only things that will make me feel better. We all know that's not gonna happen so I cry...and I cry some more. I just want a happy pill, why don't they exist?!
